Friday, October 2, 2015

Inspiration Is Like A Laxative...

I recently read somewhere, that you shouldn't wait to be inspired to do but rather do to become inspired.

Translation: Get off your punk ass and make something of yourself bitch!

That's some pretty heavy balls out and go for it type shit. 

But it doesn't always work like that, now does it?

At least not for me anyway.

For the better part of my life I've waited for inspiration to find me

I should really get back into shape but maybe I'll just wait until I split my skinny jeans.

I should really play my keyboard more but I'll never be as good as the guy from Erasure, so what's the use?

I should really call my 87 year old grandma but I'll just wait until the weekend...

It seems so much easier to just sit around and wait. 

But the waiting eventually gets hard and sometimes you wait so long that you don't even remember what you've been waiting for. 

I've been to that waiting place many times.

Inspiration can be elusive. It's not always what you'd expect it to be.

Fuck, you'd think a set of high beams in the dark would inspire a deer but no. 

I try not to beat myself up. 

Hell, I bet even Tony Robbins sits at the breakfast table and cries in his cornflakes once in awhile.

But you know what Tony does?

He finishes that cry and then eats those soggy, tear soaked cornflakes.

You know what he does after that?

He goes to the john and shits out those soggy, tear soaked cornflakes until there's no more shit to be had.

You know what he does after that?

He flushes that soggy, tear soaked cornflake shit right down the toilet.

You know what he does after that?

He washes his hands.

You know what he does after that?

He puts on his Armani suit and his Versace shoes and writes a fucking book about it that inspires a billion lost souls.

Souls like you and me.

But not everyone is like Tony Robbins. 

Sometimes you're gonna cry in those cornflakes but you're gonna be constipated and you're gonna need some help. 

So what I'm trying to say is that inspiration is like a laxative.

OK. I'm gonna stop myself right there. To be totally honest, I was gonna write about Ryan Adams' cover of Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" and how it inspired me to pick up my guitar again but then I saw a plastic container of black & white cookies and I got distracted and I forgot why I was even going to write so I made up some stupid shit and it sounded really inspiring but then I got that image of Tony Robbins taking a shit stuck in my head and it made me laugh. So, yeah, Ryan Adams is cool.