Plumb.

We neutered our dog Cody on Monday and I'm distraught.

I really didn't think it was necessary.

He doesn't exhibit any aggressive behaviour.

He doesn't mark his territory in the house.

I have yet to see him defile a human leg.

I've seen him attempt to mount both male and female canines alike. He seems to have been born a free spirit.

I do admit to catching him engaged in promiscuity with his pillow now and again but I went through the same phase in High School.

With all that being said, we didn't opt to go with the full castration option but rather a fairly new, non surgical, non invasive procedure called Zinc Neutering.

Basically, the procedure involves an injection into each testicle.

With a needle.

In each testicle.

Gulp.

This is Cody after the procedure later that day.

My six year old said, "Dad, Cody's balls look like a plumb."

Yes they do.

Supposedly this is normal but that doesn't make it any easier for me him.

Cody has been sedated for a couple of days now but I suppose when he comes around he might want to have a short conversation with me.

I anticipate it going like this...

Cody: Hey pop?

Me: Hey buddy.

Cody: Do you have something you want to tell me?

Me: Not really, no.

Cody: Really? Nothing?

Me: Not that I know of.

Cody: Nothing to do with my balls?

Me: How so?

Cody: Have you seen my balls recently?

Me: I don't remember really.

Cody: Why aren't you looking at me?

Me: I'm sorry. I was distracted.

Cody: By my balls?

Me: No, I thought I heard something.

Cody: COME ON!!!

Me: WHAT?

Cody: DON'T FUCKING CONDESCEND ME MUTHERFUCKER!

Me: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Slow down.

Cody: Slow the fuck down yourself a-hole. You call yourself a father?

Me: I know you're upset but...

Cody: UPSET? UPSET? Upset is when you run out of cheese.

Me: When have I ever run out of cheese?

Cody: DUDE! MY BALLS ARE FUCKING PURPLE!!!

Me: It's temporary.

Cody: TEMPORARY?  I TEMPORARILY SAT ON MY BALLS TWELVE TIMES TODAY!

Me: I've done that.

Cody: Shut up.

Me: It could be worse.

Cody: Oh really? How?

Me: I could run out of cheese.

Cody: You ran out of cheese?

Me: I'm totally messing with you.

Cody: Dick.

Me: Sorry buddy.

Cody: Whatever.

Me: Want some cheese?

Cody: YES! I love cheese!