Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Happy Birthday! Unsucked...

My wife made me an egg white omelet with weight watchers American cheese, on one slice of low-cal whole wheat flat bread for breakfast.

It was dry but it wasn't her fault.

It was a mighty fine sandwich.

My Doctor recently told me to stay away from tomato based foods because of my acid reflux.

Hence, no ketchup on my omelet.

I am 41 today.

Probably the most insignificant birthday I have ever had.

Last year when I turned 40, my wife threw me a surprise birthday party at one of those kid, inflatable bouncy places. There were lasers and obstacle courses and candy and presents and a Captain America cake.

This year my wife asked me, "what
do you want to do on your birthday?"

I said, "I would like you to cook me crunchy chicken with brussel sprouts and mashed potatoes."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

The reason I want this is because I don't get to eat mashed potatoes very often. They are made with milk and butter and I am lactose intolerant. Mashed potatoes give me diarrhea.

Happy 41st Birthday!

I woke up this morning at 6am. It was dark and rainy.

I said to myself out loud, "This sucks."

Why is it that I always feel so down on my birthday?

I still have those same childhood expectations. I still think that birthdays are made for bowling parties, matchbox cars and pin the tail on the donkey. I miss my pointy, cardboard party hat.

My 9 year old daughter came upstairs, jumped on my bed and hugged me. Then she broke into a perfectly silly birthday dance.

That unsucked things a bit.

I walked into the bathroom and paused for a moment to look at my 41 year old face in the mirror. I look older than I did last year. I feel older than yesterday.

I stepped into the shower.

As I was shaving my shoulders, my 5 year old popped her head in the bathroom and shouted a gargantuan "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!"

My day unsucked just a tiny bit more and it started to seem promising.

Before she ran out, she told me that my peenie looked like Squidward's nose.

Such a simple and bizarre observation but it made me smile.

On the way to the train, I passed an old man riding an ancient 10-speed bicycle in the rain. He was wearing a Cincinnati Bengals jacket, Cincinnati Bengals hat and bright orange, tiger striped, Cincinnati Bengals mittens.

My day unsucked even more.

It was then that I realized that I don't need to wear the proverbial party hat on my birthday. Today doesn't have to live up to any of my silly, little expectations. Today is about the little moments. Today is about the in-betweens. Today my peenie looks like Squidward's nose.

My only expectation for today is the diarrhea that will follow my birthday mashed potatoes and that will do just fine.