Wednesday, February 16, 2011

This Is Why Jesus Doesn't Ride The Train...

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." - Elie Wiesel

Every day I commute to and from NYC.

It is a necessary evil.

The thought of commuting back and forth is actually a lot worse than the deed itself.

For the last 62 days, I've been reading the Bible during my morning commute. Alternating between the Old and New Testaments.

Don't ask me why. I'm not really sure myself.

However, I have gained a heightened awareness of people and the way they treat one another.

I'm not a religious person, nor am I a Christian but it's pretty plain to see that Jesus was on to something.

Something very simple.



John Lennon got it. Even The Captain and Tennille knew that love would keep us together.

So what the fuck?

Oops. Sorry Jesus. Still working on the potty mouth.

Tonight on my commute home, my train got stuck a few stops short of my town.

No biggie. When you've been riding mass transit for half of your life, you get used to the delays.

Who gives a shit anyway?

Damn. Sorry Jesus.

I have a smartphone full of games and the entire Lifehouse discography to keep me occupied.

Inevitably the masses get restless, cellphones start dialing and there is a brash murmur of gossip that makes its way through the train car.

Fat Man - "I don't know what's happening. I'll let you know as soon as I hear."

Bald Man - "What else is new? There's always something with this train."

Woman With Smelly Hair - "All they have to do is drive the train. You'd think that they..."

"Attention passengers. We apologize for the delay. We have just been informed that the train has struck a pedestrian and we are being held at this station until Emergency Service arrives. We apologize for the inconvenience."

The entire car lets out a groan filled with disappointment.

Fat Man - "Ugh! They just said that some asshole got hit by the train."

Bald Man - "Figures this happens on my train. I've had the worst day."

Woman With Smelly Hair - "You have to be kidding me. Are they serious?"

I just want to say thank you to Jesus and to Lifehouse for putting me in the right frame of mind today, because for some reason, I might have been the only person on the train that didn't think this incident was all about me.

Hey! Fat, Bald and Smelly! (Remember, I'm not a Christian, so I can still judge people.)

Yes YOU!

Didn't you hear the announcement? A person was struck by the train. Our train. Does that mean anything to you?

How could this not mean anything to you?

There is a bloody, mangled, possibly decapitated body under our train.

No wait.

There is a bloody, mangled, possibly decapitated somebody's brother or friend or daddy under our train. Did you for one millisecond stop to consider who the person is? Is he or she OK?


I guess not.

God damn, heartless, animals.

Shit. I did it again. Sorry Jesus.

This is why Jesus doesn't ride the train. It's also probably why he doesn't read my blog.

Eventually the train was taken out of service and we were asked to evacuate. I guess it's easier to scrape human flesh off of the tracks sans passengers. Protocol I'm sure.

After a contemplative trip to the Diner across the street and an empathetic plate full of French Toast and Bacon, my beautiful wife and daughters came to my rescue. All of them outfitted in their finest PJ's.

Out-Numbered - Thanks for rescuing me guys!

Wife - Anytime.

8 Year Old - Daddy, are you OK?

Out-Numbered - Yes baby. I'm fine.

8 Year Old - Mommy said someone got hit by the train.

Out-Numbered - That's what they said.

4 Year Old - Did the person get hurt?

Out-Numbered - I hope not sweetheart. But maybe.

8 Year Old - Did the person die?

Out-Numbered - I don't know baby. They didn't tell us.

4 Year Old - Was it a boy or a girl?

Out-Numbered - I'm not sure.

4 Year Old - Are they going to die?

Out-Numbered - I really don't know honey. I'm sorry.

8 Year Old - I'm so glad you're OK daddy. I was scared you got hurt.

Out-Numbered - I'm fine baby.

In the Old Testament, right there on the first few pages it says, "God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him." It then goes on to say, "And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good."

Someone once told me that every day starts out perfectly. I guess it's the same with people...

Sorry Jesus.