Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Escapades Of A Male Supermodel...

Tonight I will bare all for a good cause.

Tonight is the night I give back a little bit.

Tonight I will put my insecurities on hold and embolden my self esteem in order to set an example for millions that struggle with a crippling affliction.

But there is one thing that I am absolutely terrified of...

I am terrified that I have improperly used the word "embolden" in the preceding text of this post.

Please forgive me.

Some of you know about the Blogger Body Calendar. It's a terrific project that will benefit the National Eating Disorder Association; A non-profit organization that supports individuals and families affected by eating disorders, and serves as a catalyst for prevention, cures and access to quality care.

I am Mr. July.

I know. You don't have to say it. My wife already took care of that...

In our home late last night...

Out-Numbered - I need to shave myself before we go to sleep.

Wife - What do you mean, WE?

Out-Numbered - I might need you to help me.

Wife - I think you can manage.

Out-Numbered - Seriously, I'm doing my photo shoot tomorrow.

Wife - Seriously, I shaved you last week.

Out-Numbered - Yeah. Exactly.

Wife - Honey, men are supposed to have hair.

Out-Numbered - Yeah but not in a calendar. It's not sexy.

Wife - Are you kidding me?

Out-Numbered - I'm not Tom Selleck.

Wife - No, you're not Tom Selleck.

Out-Numbered - Fine. Forget it. I'll do it myself.

Wife - Great.

Out-Numbered - But I'm gonna be pissed if I have bald patches on my arm hair.

Wife - Why would you shave your arm hair?

Out-Numbered - Because it's gross. I'm like a Sasquatch.

Wife - Isn't the point of this whole thing to be yourself?

Out-Numbered - I am being myself. Just less hairy.

Wife - What do you want?

Out-Numbered - I need you to help me decide what to wear.

Wife - OK. What are my choices?

Out-Numbered - I was thinking underwear.


Out-Numbered - Why are you laughing?

Wife - Don't take this the wrong way but who exactly do you expect to buy this calendar?

Out-Numbered - Oh, why on earth would I take that the wrong way? Thanks. That makes me feel really sexy.

Wife - You've gotta stop with the sexy already.

Out-Numbered - C'mon, I need your help deciding.

Wife - OK. What kind of underwear?

Out-Numbered - I was gonna buy white boxer briefs.


Wife - That's totally sexy. You should do that.


Wife - Are you gonna shave your legs too?

Out-Numbered - Stop it.

Wife - What else?

Out-Numbered - What about jeans?

Wife - What jeans?

Out-Numbered - I was thinking of wearing my worn out, big jeans.

Wife - Why not wear you good jeans?

Out-Numbered - Because my big jeans fall down a little bit and my underwear will show a little. I feel like that's kinda sexy. No?


Wife - Oh yeah. Totally sexy. Like Mark Wahlberg.

Out-Numbered - Forget it. I'll pack all of it and let the photographer decide.

Wife - Why do you keep calling her your photographer?

Out-Numbered - Because that's what she is.

Wife - She's your friend from college.

Out-Numbered - I hate you.


Out-Numbered - I'm going to sleep...

Wife - Make sure to clean the bathroom floor after you shave your arms.


Out-Numbered - Shut up.

Look out world. There's a new kinda sexy in town and his name is...

Jason Selleckberg.