Wednesday, April 21, 2010

When Did The Fun Die?

When I was a kid we played with trucks. We rode big wheels around the neighborhood pretending to be Ponch and Jon. We collected comics, Micronauts and Star Wars Cards. The toys back then had heart, substance and encouraged children to be creative.


Back then, less was more.

OK so we also had those ridiculous, demonic, Smurf figurines. That was some bad shit.

Every generation has it's regrets.

But fuck me til I'm bald, I don't understand the collective brain trust running the toy industry today. I'm not talking about the people who market them or the stores that sell them. I'm talking about the hard core thinkers. The ones that sit in a room and eat cold Chinese food and don't come out until there's an idea worth dying for.

You know, the next great thing. The thing that kids will go nuts for at Christmas time. The thing that will inevitably turn unsuspecting parents into savages come Black Friday.

I would think if you're one of these highly paid, highly influential, toy engineer types, you'd take your job seriously.

You'd strive for greatness. Perfection. Uniqueability! (I made that up.)

Wouldn't you?


Well then people...

What the fuck are these?

And these?

Are those Shrinky Dinks?

No, you silly goose face!

Of course not. That would be genius.

These are Silly Bandz. They are the latest rage.

Well, what do they do?

Uh, they don't really do anything.

What do you mean? They must do something.


Then what are they exactly?

They are rubber bands.

Rubber bands?


They don't look like rubber bands.

That's what makes them cool. They are all different shapes. Look! A hippopotamus.

That looks nothing like a hippopotamus.

Sure it does.

It looks like a fat dick.

Shut up silly.

Do you tie things together with them?


Can you put your hair back with them?

Not really.

Do they have a uterus?

Nooooooo. Why would you ask that?

Because if they have a uterus, I want to punch it.

You're cuckoo!

Can you do anything with them?

Yes. Don't be silly.


They glow in the dark!

Holy Shit that's fucking awesome.

See I told you!

I was just kidding you dickhead. They suck.

You're mean.

You're an idiot.

Silly Bandz! As seen on TV!

Yes, my kid has 20 of them... Shut up.