Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Spring Rain...

Spring Rain - By Matsuo Basho

Spring rain
leaking through the roof
dripping from the wasps' nest.

First of all, that doesn't even seem like a poem worthy of publishing.

What the fuck?

And don't tell me it's filled with metaphors and beautiful imagery.

I call bullshit.

I think this dude was probably super smart but maybe he was really strong or had crazy eyes or he was awesome with a Samurai sword and people were just intimidated.

"Hey check out my awesome poem."

"Uh, that doesn't really make much sense Matsuo."

"You motherfucker. I'm gonna chop your fucking head off!!!"

"Ahhhh! No No Matsuo! It's awesome. The metaphors. The beautiful imagery. You're the man!

"Thank you my son."

I mean, the poem is really clear and succinct but it doesn't go anywhere. I don't even understand the connection between the second and third line. If the spring rain is leaking through the roof and dripping from the wasps' nest, does this mean the wasps' nest is inside the house? What the hell? This sounds really dangerous to me. Also, why the hell is this dude contemplating the leaky roof? Doesn't he have a wife?

My roof was leaking like a giant piss last week and my wife was screaming at me to do something. I practically had a God damn panic attack. Now I gotta bring up a shit load of towels from the basement. I gotta find a fucking bucket. I'm worried that the water is gonna start a friggin' electrical fire in my damn ceiling.

But wait.

Screw this shit. Let me write a little poem first. It will be beautiful and thought provoking. My wife will think it's sexy and deep. Maybe I'll even get laid.

Here, how about this...

Spring Rain - By Jason Mayo

Spring rain
Like a giant fucking piss.
Fucking up my new bedroom.
If insurance doesn't cover this I'm fucked.
I hate my life.

I hate the rain. It makes me depressed. It screws up everything. Today I walked from my car to the train in the pouring rain. It took me two minutes. Now I'm sitting on the train like a wet dog. I'm freezing my ass off. I might as well be sitting in a puddle of my own pee. I'm probably going to get a rash on my nuts from the dampness. As a matter of fact, I have to pee right now from this damn energy drink I'm throwing back. I should just piss my pants. Who's gonna know? Everyone is soaking wet like me. Maybe everyone else on the train is pissing their pants too.

This sucks.

I hate the rain...