Friday, March 12, 2010

Old Man Look At My Life...

So it's Friday evening and as usual, I'm trying to unwind on the train home.

I get worked up during the day.

Sometimes the stress feels so heavy on my brain, I can't even think straight.

I keep the tension inside. I always have. My insides are older than my outsides.

I need the train ride home to unwind. I need the solitude. Fifty three minutes to clear out the cobwebs doesn't sound like much but it's just enough.

I need to change my face before I get home. I want to give my family the best that I've got.

I build my cocoon quickly.

Each thread, spun from different sounds on the train, like an orchestra. It's this symphony that puts me at ease.

It's the collective energy of the people.

People just like me.

We all want the same thing.

To be whole again. To rejuvenate.

I absorb the sounds that the air has to offer, like human Gatorade. Soul quenching.

But I'm tired. I'm always so tired...

I notice an old man sitting to my right. He's humming a tune to himself. I can't quite grasp the melody.

There are people close by that seem annoyed. He's breaking their concentration.

Not me. His humming is comforting. It draws me inward, like the sound of 1000 bumble bees or the warm purrs of a fat cat.

My mind wanders.

I can't help but think, that he is me, forty years from now. So many years on this train.

I wonder if he still has a beautiful wife waiting to greet him at his door.

I wonder if he's thinking about his children. I wonder if they still call him. My heart starts to ache for him.

He won't get the hugs that I'm about to get. The kind with the running start. The kind that end with a thud on the floor.

I'd share them with him.

He's been kind enough to share his song with me...