Saturday, February 20, 2010

You Wanna Do It?

The evening prior to our departure for vacation. My Wife and I talk in bed...

Out-Numbered - Are you excited for tomorrow?

Wife - Totally. Are you?

Out-Numbered - Absolutely. I just feel like I still have a shit load of stuff to get done.

Wife - Like what? We've packed everything.

Out-Numbered - I still have to cut my toenails. I think I actually ripped a hole in my sock today.

Wife - That's pleasant.

Out-Numbered - Remember, I need your help either tonight or in the morning before we leave.

Wife - Help with what?

Out-Numbered - I need you to shave my shoulders and my back.

Wife - Come on. You're a guy. You're allowed to have a little hair.

Out-Numbered - No way. It's fucking disgusting. You said you would do it.

Wife - Fine. Let's do it now. I don't want to miss our flight because I was shaving your back.

Out-Numbered - Thank you.

Wife - Get in the shower. I'll be right there.

Out-Numbered - Did you just fart?

Wife - I can't help it. I've been so gassy lately.

Out-Numbered - Jesus. It smells like a pet store in here.

Wife - Stop it.

Out-Numbered - You could have gone in another room.

Wife - Do you want me to shave your back or not?

Out-Numbered - Fine.

Wife - Hurry up and get in the shower.

Out-Numbered - I have to pee first.

Wife - I'm going to check on the girls. I'll be right back.


Out-Numbered - Ahhhhh! Dammit!

Wife - What happened?

Out-Numbered - I peed on my hand.

Wife - What the? How do you pee on your hand?

Out-Numbered - Oh man. I think I peed in the garbage can too.

Wife - You're like a friggin' Orangutan. Clean this up and GET IN THE SHOWER!

Standing naked in the shower. My wife lathers up my shoulders and back with shaving cream.

Out-Numbered - Be careful.

Wife - Now what?

Out-Numbered - I have a pimple on my back. Make sure you don't cut it.

Wife - I'm not gonna cut it. Hold still.

Out-Numbered - Hey.

Wife - What?

Out-Numbered - I'm naked.

Wife - I see that.

Out-Numbered - You wanna do it?

Wife - Are you fucking kidding me?

Out-Numbered - I Guess not?