SECRET WEAPON...

I love Canada.

I love their beer.

I love their crazy policemen, that dress like the Nutcracker.

I even love Martin Short.

But today is different.

Today I must distance myself.

I must channel everything that is evil about Canada in order to vilify them in my mind.

I must think of Celine Deon and how she makes me want to rip my own face off. I must think of Avril Lavigne and how she makes me want to rip Celine Deon's face off. I will burn my Corey Haim DVD collection. I will throw away my Elvis Stojko autographed figure skates.

I will shatter my Rush Albums.

Well, maybe not the Rush Albums. They're awesome.

Be afraid Canada.

Be very afraid...




GO USA!!!