Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Saddest Thing I've Ever Heard...


A child laughs up to 300 times a day. Compared to an adult, who laughs only 10-15 times a day on average.

Assuming this statistic is correct, I would probably categorize this as the saddest thing I have ever heard.

I can’t help but draw the following conclusion from the aforementioned statement:

When we are children, we are so happy and so free spirited, that we can’t help but express ourselves through laughter; Sometimes as much as 300 times a day.

With the exception of rolling my eyes or sighing, I can’t think of anything that I do 300 times a day.

What’s even more depressing is that somewhere along the way, society will deliver the inevitable kick to the nuts of a child. From that point on, little Huck Finn begins his slow, cold, spiraling decent into the dark abyss of adulthood.

Who’s laughing now?

Not me.

I’m fucking pissed. You know why? Because it’s impossible to recapture that innocence. You can’t recreate it. It’s gone; Like a fart in the wind.

This also clears a few things up for me. Are you ever just sitting around the house and you hear your kids laughing uncontrollably?

This happens all the time around my place. Whenever I hear that sound, first I smile.

But then for some reason, I always get a little emotional and it makes me sad.

Not in a start bawling like a big pussy sort of way but my eyes well up a little and I try to hold on to the moment for a bit. I always thought that maybe that’s just what parents do. Maybe it conjures up some repressed shitty memories from my childhood?


It makes me sad because that feeling of reckless joy was ripped out of me like the gizzards of a chicken and inevitably will be ripped away from my kids as well.

There will be tests that stress them out, bullies that kick the snot out of them for their fucking Twinkies. Hell, they probably won’t even have Twinkies by then. Then they’ll grow tits and pubes and have to deal with zits and just when it’s about all they can handle? BAM! Some douche bag boyfriend will make them feel like a pile of garbage and I’ll be too fat, old and bald to kick his ass.

I don’t even remember what I was talking about.

Right. The saddest thing I’ve ever heard.

Well I have news for you.

The following statement is not a threat. It is a PROMISE:

Dear Life,

I see your anger, your cruelty and your sadness; and I raise you joy, comfort and laughter. I will not allow you to bitch slap me or my awesomely happy kids, into submission any longer. I will fight your wickedly, complacent ways to the death and win. I will Out-Number you with humor and love.

I will start right now, with this blog…

Join me.