Out-Numbered: Fairytales From The Darkside...

So my daughter is in the 2nd grade and one of the things they do in her class is called Snack-Story Time. Parents are supposed to pick a story, a snack and a day to come to the class to read that story and then administer the snack to the children. The hook is that if possible, you should pick a story that will tie into the snack of choice, as to make it more of an interactive experience. Sounds like fun! I obviously love stories and judging by the red indentations from my skin tight jeans, where my waistline used to be, I love snacks as well.

My only potential conflict is that I loath the thought of being a complete bore. I’ve been laughed at and humiliated in these types of situations before (Don’t ask) and I refuse to let it happen again. So I have decided that instead of picking an existing story that the children are familiar with, I will write my own story. Those poor little bastards...

I present to you some rough sketches and my first draft of…

Do Witches Make Fishes?

There once was a boy who never ate dinner.
His Mother would kvetch, “You can’t get much thinner!”

And the Boy would reply,
"I hate all your dishes and besides,
I like candy not Carrots and Fishes."

Well the Mother would worry and then she’d get mad
But despite all her efforts, no meals would be had.

Then finally one evening after cooking a stew,
The Mother imparted a message brand new.

It wasn’t a question or simple request
But something much stronger than Mother knows best.

She looked at the boy and his half eaten plate
And said to him, “Boy! You’re tempting your fate.”

What he didn’t expect, is the words he heard next.
His ears were confused and his brain was perplexed.

The Mother came forward and put forth the notion
That she was a witch and the stew was her potion.

She went on to reveal, the frightening deal
That she’d make with the boy, if he turned down the meal.

If you refuse and say no,
Out the window you’ll go
And I’ll cook up a spell
That will fix you quite well.

I promise you this,
All the fine and the dandy
Will soon disappear
There will be no more candy.

You’ll land in a pit
Filled with Veggies and things.
With lollipops just out of reach, on a string.

You’ll spend all your time
Thinking thoughts about dishes
That you'll wish would consist
Of my Carrots and Fishes.

So eat or do not
My offer is clear
But whatever you choose
Choose wisely my dear.

Now the boy had gone speechless
And rightfully so
For he hadn’t a clue
About Witches you know.

So he took a deep breath

And he let out another

Then yelled to the Witch,

"WHAT'D YOU DO WITH MY MOTHER!"

Then it occurred to him, suddenly so.
That witches hate candy!
That much I know.

Then he reached in his pocket
That always felt sticky
And pulled from it something incredibly icky.

He’d been saving it up
For a special occasion
And now was the time, for the Candy Invasion.

There were Gummy Worms, Candy Corns, Fun Dip and Charms.
Appleheads, Fireballs and Chocolate Yarn.

With his last bit of strength
He drew back his hand
And let go of a handful, of One Hundred Grands.

It hit her on target
Right in the belly
And she fell over backwards
Right into some Jelly.

She didn’t seem hurt but was certainly stuck
Thank goodness for that and a bit of good luck.

The funny thing is, after all the commotion
He heard some loud growling
And felt a compulsion.

"I AM HUNGRY!" He cried.
But I don’t want my sweets.
I don’t want these sugary, lollipop treats.

What I want is my Mommy
To cook me her dishes.
I want her to make me, her Carrots and Fishes…

THE END...

I hope the kids will be hungry. I'm thinking of bringing in Gobstoppers and Talapia.

The teacher will have to decide which is worse; Being Out-Numbered by Kids or Fish...

Do Witches Make Fishes?