Thursday, July 9, 2009

Did Your Horse Just Shit On My Lawn?

I have a friend. He has red hair and a huge trampoline in his back yard. This friend of mine throws a big BBQ party every summer. His BBQ parties are great because they are kid friendly and there's always good eats and libations. I have to admit though, I am a bit concerned about my friend's current mental state. This year for his BBQ, he decided that it would be cool for the kids if he rented a completely mobile Game Farm for his front lawn. There were pony rides, goats, bunnies, chickens and sheep. The cages were all set up in his front yard. The pony rides took place up and down the street. The kids were over the moon. The adults were astonished. All I could think about was, I wonder what the conversation was like the day before with his neighbors? I imagine it went something like this:

Red Haired Friend: "Hey unsuspecting neighbor. How's the family?"

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Family is OK. The little one got a pebble stuck up his nose but the old lady was able to suck it out with a straw and some tweezers."

Red Haired Friend: "Amazing. A straw and tweezers?"

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Right? She's a regular MacGyver I tell ya."

Red Haired Friend: "Hahaha"

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Ahahaha"

Red Haired Friend: "So, I have a favor to ask of you."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Shoot."

Red Haired Friend: "I'm thinking of parking a huge animal trailer in front of your house tomorrow and setting up a full on game farm on my lawn."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Are you shitting me?"

Red Haired Friend: "No sir. I'm serious as a heart attack."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Well, why the fuck would you do that?"

Red Haired Friend: "You see, I'm having some friends over for a BBQ and there's gonna be kids there. So I figured it would be fun for them to see the animals."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "You're yanking my chain, aren't you?"

Red Haired Friend: "No. Honestly. It's not as crazy as you think. All the animals are pretty small and tame. The only thing that won't be on my property are the ponies."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "What the hell are you talking about? There's gonna be ponies?"

Red Haired Friend: "Well. Uh... Yeah. We're gonna have pony rides in the street."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Is that even legal?"

Red Haired Friend: "I don't see why not."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "You don't see why not? How the fuck are you gonna have pony rides in the motherfucking street, you crazy bastard?"

Red Haired Friend: "It's totally legit. If there's any mess on your property, I promise it will be removed before they clear out."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Mess? What kind of mess?"

Red Haired Friend: "Any random pony droppings, hay or feathers. That sort of thing."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Let me tell you something, you lunatic. If I get so much as one whiff of Pony Shit across my property, so help me God, I'll knock you on your ass and mow down that pony with my Hummer."

Red Haired Friend: "That's totally understandable. I promise you won't even notice we're there."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: "Get off of my property before I call the Cops."

Red Haired Friend: "I really appreciate this. I owe you one."

Unsuspecting Neighbor: (Walking away...) "Freak."

Red Haired Friend: "Feel free to come by for a burger. Thanks again!"

On that day, the neighbors were definitely Out-Numbered...

Fatherhood Friday at Dad Blogs