Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Who Has It Better: Mom Or Dad?

You can also find the following Out-Numbered post at that crazy chick site: Momversation

This is a trick question. I don't trust you Momversation, not as far as I can throw your virtual ass. The last time I wrote a guest blog here, was for the "A Guy's Turn: What Bugs You About Your Spouse?" Momversation. That one didn't exactly work in my favor. I'm actually at the Ritz Carlton in an undisclosed location right now with my wife. I am rubbing her feet, still trying to make amends. But if I don't speak out on behalf of all the fat, lazy, good for nothing, Dads out there, who the heck will? That is why I have chosen once again, not so wisely, to play the role of Martyr. I give to you ever so reluctantly...

Who Has It Better: Mom Or Dad?

If you are married and you have kids, then you have had this argument. If you haven't, then your child was just born this past week or sleeps ten hours a night and can change his or her own diaper, throw their own Pop Tarts in the toaster and doesn't talk... ever.

I love my wife. I love my kids. My wife has had more positive influences on me than I can ever acknowledge in any blog. My kids are the light of my life. These two little pissers have made me into the man that I am today. Not a second goes by that I don't look over my shoulder to make sure Ashton Kutcher isn't Punking my sorry ass. That's how lucky I am to have the three of them. But this parenting thing isn't always a cakewalk. As a matter of fact, there are times when it sucks the big one. I mean let's face it; kids can be super annoying. "I want milky.” "Get me a cookie." "Let me out of the closet, it's dark in here." I mean, who can stand it after awhile?

Before my wife and I had kids, we didn't fight at all. I can't think of one thing we would ever argue about. Maybe once in awhile we'd disagree on which movie to see or what restaurant to eat at. Oh wait, I remember one Sunday I wanted to sleep late but she wanted to go out for breakfast. That could have been grounds for divorce I tell ya but that was pretty much it. We were living the dream and we had no friggin clue how good we had it.

Then... BAM! We have two kids and a list of reasons why I suck and how she does all the work. I can't tell you how many times my wife has told me how easy I have it. I mean after all, she stays home with the kids all day. She does the shopping, cooks the meals, and walks up and down the stairs all day doing laundry. It never ends and apparently, neither does her resentment towards my lazy ass. To be honest, we still don't fight about a heck of a lot but there is one thing that we argue about constantly. What is it?

Who gets to sleep late on the weekend?

This is the bane of our existence as parents. It is an argument that no one wins, EVER. Mention the topic in casual conversation and we lose our shit. The reason is simple. The very question, whom gets to sleep late on the weekend, holds the answer to the greater question of which we are discussing here. Who Has It Better: Mom Or Dad? If I say she deserves to sleep late on the weekend then I am admitting that my week at work was not that difficult. If she caves and decides to let me sleep late on the weekend, then she is succumbing to the fact that her week with the kids was a breeze. Mexican Standoff.

I would never say this to my wife but I believe the argument has no right answer. Both her opinions and mine are completely subjective. I love my job. I work with great people in a really fun environment. I have Guitar Hero, a Foos Ball table and a friggin beer tap in my office for shit's sake. What do I have to complain about, right? I go to parties, client dinners, I meet celebrities from time to time. I have season tickets to my favorite Hockey team. I do have to get up at 6am every day, haul my tired ass onto the train and sometimes don't get home until all hours of the night. I own my own business so I'm responsible for the well being of a ton of people on a day-to-day basis. Throw into the mix that it's the worst economy we've seen in our lifetime and it all adds up to STRESS! Quite frankly it's a stress I don't even want my wife and kids to understand.

I suppose I have it pretty good compared to my wife and I'm not being sarcastic. I've taken care of our kids and it isn't pretty. The last time I was in charge, I wound up with a broken toe and shit all over my finger. She does more in a day than most people do in a week but there's one thing that she has that I don't have and it makes her the luckiest person in the world. She gets to spend quality time with my kids. Not just, "How was your day?" kind of time. Real honest to goodness, get to know them, kind of time.

Being a stay at home mom is tough but I think it's tougher for a working dad to shoulder the tremendous guilt he feels when he has to tip toe out of the house early in the morning before the kids are awake. There's nothing worse than being stuck at work at 10pm and knowing that you've missed another opportunity to read your baby girl a bedtime story. Every time I miss a dance recital or a music class, a piece of my heart tears away. There's an old saying that you'd know if you were a Golfer. It goes like this: "A bad day of Golf is better than a good day at work." I believe the same thing applies to me with my kids. I don't care how annoying they are or how much shit I get on my finger when I'm changing diapers. I always know, that for every accidental kick in the nuts I get from my two year old, there is a smile and an "I love you Daddy", waiting right around the corner.

My wife is finally going back to work in September, so the landscape will drastically change. You know what they say, "Be careful what you wish for..." For right now though, the answer is crystal clear. Mom has the better deal. Sorry Moms, you're all Out-Numbered on this one...