Sunday, April 5, 2009

You're God Damn Right, You Should Be Stressed...

So this Chick website called Momversation contacted me the other day in the hope that I'd be interested in sharing this video with my readers. Her email read something like this:

Hi Jason! I'm Christine, the Web Producer of Momversation. We produce videos of top mom bloggers, such as Heather Armstrong of Dooce, discussing mom-related issues. I thought your readers might like our latest video, "Do You Like When Dad Watches the Kids?" I'd love to stay in touch with you and occasionally let you know when we've got special episodes or new features that you might like (and please let me know if you'd rather I not contact you in the future - no hard feelings!). All the best, Christine Momversation Web Producer

The truth is that I'm pretty protective of Out-Numbered and what goes up here. I get lots of these requests / inquiries and I toss most of them aside. Most of them are weird sales things that make no sense at all. This one seemed partially relevant.

After a few Vodka / Coke's I took a look...

So here's what I found. 99.9% of the Mom panelists on this website are H.O.T.T. Hot! That's right. They are total babes. There is nothing sexier than a Mom talking about being a Mom, into a webcam, alone in the house. I think... I'm pretty sure the video is about Dads and Kids and a whole bunch of stuff related to parenting but for the most part I couldn't keep my eyes off of that chick with the blonde hair. Call me crazy, call me nuts but I'm totally addicted to this Mom site thing.

After I got past the whole Hot Mom thing, I actually tried to focus on the topic at hand. Apparently Moms are eager to jabber about whether or not they are "Stressed When Dad Is Watching The Kids". Hello? What kind of a topic is this? Do you really need to make a web video on a Mom site to discuss this? Doesn't it go without saying? Of course Moms are stressed when we're watching the kids. Duh!

You see. Here's the deal. I posted a whole piece on this very subject. In case you didn't read it, here it is: Just Shoot Me...

There's no secret here. Moms ARE stressed. They are stressed not because us Dads can't take care of our measly little kids but because they are so friggin' crazy that no matter what we do, there's gonna be something wrong in the end. Us Dads are a capable bunch for the most part. We go to work. We interact with people. We assemble furniture and swing sets and surround sound for our entertainment centers. All in all, we're not completely useless. Of course we have our moments that are less than stellar. For instance, we don't have any idea how to follow directions. We haven't got a clue as to what you want us to pick up from the supermarket and we certainly don't know how to fold laundry or bathe our kids. That's just being ridiculous. But in the end, we are totally capable of watching our kids for a short period of time. Yes my buddy pulled his daughter's arm out of her socket the first time he watched her on his own and Yes my two year old colored all over my living room with a red sharpie because I was too busy playing Guitar Hero and who cares that my six year old was surfing the web and wound up on a gay porn site during my weekend alone with the kids? No one got hurt. Nobody lost any limbs. If anything, what doesn't kill them, makes them stronger, right?

Anyway, the bottom line to me is that I'm cool with watching the kids if I absolutely need to but I really don't want to. Not because I can't but because it's mostly a pain in the ass. They don't stop talking... EVER. All they want to do is run around and play outside. They don't like watching sports. I can't get drunk when they're with me unless my Mom is around to watch me, watch them and they are constantly shitting their pants. Why would I want to hang out with someone that shits their pants? You tell me.

So keep stressing out Moms. Stress away until the cows come home. You see that's the key. We don't want you to feel comfortable enough with us to leave the kids in our care. We are absolutely, unequivocally, 100% fine being untrusted with our offspring. Hire a sitter, beg your parents to stay over or drop them off at Doggie Day Care. Whatever. It's cool. I'm ok with your crazy routines and your nap Nazi ways. I'll keep my mouth shut. Just please don't leave me alone with our little monsters. Baseball season is starting and if I run around too much I might have a heart attack. You wouldn't want that on your conscience would you?

MOMS ROCK! Let's keep it that way.

Take a look at that video for yourself and let me know what you think. But don't spend too much time on that site or you'll wind up feeling Out-Numbered...